It’s not all about me – Day 4

Hmmm….this 29 Gifts in 29 Days thing is not as easy as I thought it was going to be.  I wonder why that is.  I think one of the hardest things is that I don’t get out much these days so opportunities don’t as readily present themselves to me.  The funny thing is that I absolutely LOVE giving to others.  In fact sometimes to the point where Ed often just gives up, shakes his head, and says “Do whatever makes you happy.”.  It’s possible that another part of the problem is that the things that I would normally give in a day I don’t think count.  They are things that I just naturally do.  They are not necessarily “mindful”.   So once again the evening has come and I find myself tired and in my bedroom not yet having given a gift and despairing for the third time in a row that I might have to start over.

Then I notice something that a friend has done that really hurts me.  It’s not the individual act that is so hurtful but that it is a symbol of many things that have come together cumulatively to really make me feel sad, and taken for granted.  I must tell you that lately I’ve been really upset over my lack of local friends.  I know that is simply a byproduct of us only having one car so I can’t make it to playgroups and other outings, and   when that isn’t the issue, then there is the heat I have to contend with, taking care of two toddlers at once, my often overwhelming fatigue, and the fact that I live a ways away from the friends that I do have that like to do things and I don’t feel that it is always fair to leave Ed home with the babies.  I’ve also had one friend move in the last couple of months.  They didn’t move far away but we haven’t seen them since before the move.  Even though I know that she has a lot of things going on right now and a lot of stress, I admit to feeling forgotten about.  The thing that the first friend did got me thinking about friends in general and the friend that recently moved.  I all of a sudden knew I had my gift!

It was time to forget about myself.  My friend who had moved had not done anything to purposely hurt me.  In fact she was the friendwho was around a couple of years ago when I really needed someone.  I almost became paralyzed from MS when pregnant with my youngest daughter and she came to see me every week and often offered to help with other things.  I know a lot of the causes of the stress that is currently effecting her and yet here I sat feeling sorry for myself because we hadn’t seen each other in a while and basically blaming her for that.  No more.  Her son’s birthday is this Sunday and even though there has not been a B-Day party invite, to tell the truth I don’t know if there is even going to be a party, her son was a great friend to G. and we still care and think about him a lot.  We had not gotten him a present but tonight that changed.  I had a lot of fun going through his wish list and choosing things I hoped he would love.  I might not get to see him open them but they are gifts of love and love doesn’t require such niceties to continue.  At the same time I realized that I had neglected to get them a housewarming gift, something I think she would never fail to do.  To tell the truth it’s not something I usually do, but tonight it felt perfect.  I hope she loves it.

It really is good to stop dwelling on my own problems for a little and to let go of perceived slights.  I wish them the best!  Now I am wondering what will be my gift tomorrow.  I like that many of them have surprised me.  If they were things that I would do normally, without mindfulness, I don’t believe that they would have caused such joy in my heart when they were given.


1 Comment

  1. Patrick said,

    July 13, 2010 at 4:20 am

    Hey there Debbie! Thanks for stopping by and gifting 🙂 I’ve enjoyed spending some time with you and your family through these pages. Thanks for sharing.

    Caregivingly Yours, Patrick

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