Catholicism, me and little E.

When I went looking to switch OB/GYN practices, I was looking for one whose doctors and office came highly recommended and one that was closer to where I lived.  I found a practice that was both, and I did really like most of the doctors. The medical assistants left a little to be desired, but nothing is ever perfect.

I was also concerned with the hospital that they were associated with, not due to any real reason but, as silly as this sounds, the hospital food.  The hospital where G. was born had an amazing food plan.   You could order just about anything in their cafeteria, basically on your own schedule, and if there was something you liked you could even get more than one.  I actually managed to feed myself and Ed off that plan, and the food was pretty good.  I’d been spoiled, I’ll admit it.  Well it turned out that if I stayed with this practice, the hospital I would be delivering at only offered your typical nasty hospital food and food schedule.  I was incredibly disappointed, but after asking for many opinions regarding the hospital and getting nothing but glowing reports, and the fact that I liked the doctors at the practice, I decided I would just have to send Ed out for food. 🙂   It turns out that the one thing I would have never considered, religious affiliation, ended up being the only thing I should have been concerned with. Unfortunately I had no way of knowing that at the time.

About twelve to fifteen weeks into my pregnancy, while I was at the OB’s and discussing the probable need for a repeat c-section due to my weakness secondary to the MS, a thought suddenly occurred to me. Since the neurologists had come to the conclusion that the pregnancy must be causing this relapse, there was no way that I should ever get pregnant again. I asked the OB if the could do a tubal ligation at the same time they were doing the c-section. The OB said that the two procedures could definitely be done at the same time. They used to do that all the time, however they were no longer allowed to perform the two together. And now for the obvious next question…why? As it turns out the only hospital where they currently had privileges with happened to be Catholic. Catholic hospitals do not allow any procedure that prevents a woman from being able to conceive unless her life is being threatened.

When I explained to the OB that the Neurologists believed that the pregnancy brought on the relapse, and that treatment for that relapse could possibly endanger the fetus, she said that they would take my case to the medical ethics board at the hospital. I said that I would get a letter from my neurologist to help support their case and then they would arrange to have the case heard before the board. After I got the letter from my neurologist, months went by and I didn’t hear anything. I remained optimistic because from my point of view, I could not see any medical professional not seeing the validity of the case. The pregnancy caused the MS relapse, which caused me to be unable to care for the child I already had, and the treatments required to help mitigate the relapse could possibly endanger the baby I was carrying. However, it wasn’t just medical professionals on the ethics board, but also the Bishop of the local Archdiocese. When I was 36 weeks pregnant, the answer was finally handed down, and it was No.

At this point I wasn’t sure what to do. I still had the option of changing practices, but I was so far along, I had found a doctor that I bonded with, and I felt incredibly comfortable with her performing with my c-section. We were still planning on a scheduled c-section because even though I had regained a lot of my strength and mobility, by this time we still weren’t confident that my body could handle going through full labor and then still have any ability to push. I came to the decision that at this point it was more important for me to feel comfortable with my doctor than to deliver at a hospital which would allow the procedure to be performed. We could figure out more permanent birth control later.

When the day came, we went to the hospital, checked in, did all the pre-op stuff, and then waited as they were running a little late. Finally I went into the ER and ended up feeling unbelievably ill from the medications that they had given me. When Ed came in, he said he was worried that I wasn’t going to be OK, I looked so bad. Still through all of this I remember the Dr. calling out that “It’s a Girl” and I replied “Really?” I had been convinced Little E. was going to be a boy. I’ll always remember that moment because that was the start of my life with E. Our relationship had started to be defined from that moment. I won’t lie though, she had some very strange physical characteristics when she was born, not all of which are considered attractive on a girl. Luckily things have evened out nicely.

After they handed little E. to Ed, we noticed that something seemed wrong. They weren’t closing me up as expected, but calling for another doctor, another opinion. It turns out that my uterus was so thin from the first c-section that had I gone into labor naturally, my uterus could have ruptured, and both little E. and I could have died. My OB was trying to get the ethics committee to change their decision based on this new possible endangerment to both my life and the life of any future child I may become pregnant with. I don’t remember all the details here, but Ed says that after about a ten minute wait with me lying open on the operating table, someone finally stuck their head back in the door and said “No.” We were turned down again.

I have never been a fan of the Catholic Church as an institution, and I’ll admit that I disagree with some of their ways of worship and doctrine. However I married a Catholic, would attend Mass with him and his family, and have never judged or had any issue with any individual for being part of the Catholic Church. I still have no issue or problem with any individual Catholic except for the leadership who made the decision on my case. However, my children will not be baptized Catholic, nor will they be in any way raised to be part of the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church proved that they had no concern for my quality of, or actual life, nor that of my children. They would rather enforce their doctrine than protect the life of a mother and any of her future unborn babies. That to me in no way demonstrates God’s love for his children, but an institutionalized blindness when it comes to what is best for those God has already given life to.

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4 Comments

  1. herrad said,

    March 5, 2010 at 5:37 pm

    Hi Debbie,

    How typical that the Catholic Institution has no care for people, they just want the franchise so they have control.
    I was brought up catholic once I was 18 I did not want anything to do with religion anymore.
    Superstition has no place in my life.
    Thanks for sharing your story.
    Love,
    Herrad

  2. March 7, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    That’s a crazy and sad, sad story. I’m sorry that they wouldn’t do that for you.

  3. Snarky Mom said,

    March 11, 2010 at 9:18 pm

    I also grew up Catholic and once I turned 18 and left home, I wanted no part of it. Bunch of hypocrits if you ask me. I had a horrible experience with a bad priest who just sealed the deal for me. I grew up watching a gaggle of women sit in church, praying and acting so righteous, only to be out in the narthex after the service gossiping about who was wearing what and who was doing who. Gah. So righteous, indeed. I’m sorry that they had so little regard for your life and health. Inexcusable.

  4. sarah said,

    March 24, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    Same here. Raised Catholic because that was the only church in town, but I don’t agree with any of it. Lost faith but found it recently, but now have no idea where to go church wise.


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