One protective bubble with a side of depression, please

After having told my family that I had MS, I went back into my happy little bubble called denial.   The only time my bubble would magically vanish was when I drank.  On those occasions, not only would I drown myself in my adult beverage of choice, but I would also languish in self-pity, picturing the worst case scenario for my future.    At age 27, I would wallow in the belief that life had been taken from me when I had just begun to live.  When I woke up the next morning, the bubble was miraculously back in place and I would go about whatever I had planned for the day, be it work, shopping, or a lazy day on the couch watching chick flicks and old movies.

This was how life continued for me for about another year and a half, with two exceptions. The first exception were the Avonex shots which I had to self administer once a week.  This I did with uneven regularity.  Sometimes I would be very conscientious about it and other times I’d get lackadaisical and forget to order for a month or more.  The second exception was a depression I was falling into that I refused to acknowledge.  You remember my impenetrable bubble, right?  I wouldn’t acknowledge it because to me it was embarrassing.  At that point in my life, I believed that only crazy people got depressed to the point that they needed a pill to help them.

Then one day I was just so beyond myself, that I called up my neurologist and said “MS can cause depression, right?”  His response changed my life.  He said “Yes, in fact one of the first things I usually do is ask patients about depression and get them on an anti-depressant”.  I don’t remember if he asked me at our first meeting, but if he did, I am 100% sure I would have denied it.  His response  freed me from the pressure and embarrassment I was feeling over the depression.  I wasn’t crazy; it was a typical side effect of MS, which could and would be treated like any other side effect .  In this case the appropriate treatment for this side effect was a little pill called Zoloft.  Once again my bubble was secure, warm, and fuzzy.  After about 4 months I took myself off the Zoloft without any more problems.  My body had been asking for help;  I just had to learn to listen.

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5 Comments

  1. Muff said,

    February 14, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    Welcome to the MS blogging world! I, too, am fairly new to blogging, but I’ve met some great people here. Your story has many similar elements to mine, especially the fact that I am Cleopatra, the Queen of De-Nial. Looking forward to reading your posts. I’ve added your blog to my blogroll, but I don’t see any area for “followers” on yours, so I’ll just give your blog notice when I post.

    Peace,
    Muff

    • Debbie said,

      February 15, 2010 at 12:13 am

      Hi, Thanks for stopping by. I’ll be happy yo return the favor and add your blog to my blog roll. If you’d like to subscribe there is a place on the left that says email subscriptions and you just type your email in there to subscribe. You are not the first one to have problems with that so maybe I’ll have to check into something different. I’m gonna go have a look at your blog now.

  2. morton lake said,

    February 14, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    hi,i came by way of herrads blog,access denied.im mort,56,secondary progressive.also a full time carer for elderly mum.and a brit,lol.nice to meet you,your post about the lumbar puncture had me staggered.2 drs calmly and with no fuss took what seemed to be 5 litres of fluid lol.MS is a vile,nasty,evil disease.i am so sorryyou suffer too.hope this blog will help you.mine does me,feel free to call by.take care,mort.:)

    • Debbie said,

      February 15, 2010 at 12:54 am

      Thanks for your kind comment and for visiting my blog. And don’t worry about being a brit…I know a few and I find them tolerable. 🙂

  3. February 15, 2010 at 4:27 am

    […] 15, 2010 at 4:27 am (Family, History) Tags: Family After having come to terms with the depression, I continued on as normal.  I wasn’t having any flare ups and my mood was much better.  The […]


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