The Beginning….now when was that?

That’s the thing, you see.  I don’t actually know when I first got MS.

When I think back on it, there are all kinds of things that pop into my head and make me wonder if that was the first symptom of MS.  Then I think, well it probably wasn’t that, but what about this?  I have so many doubts, questions, and hypothesis, and yet they prove and explain nothing.  The fact that I couldn’t stay awake all hours like a normal college student and do research and finish papers, was that tiredness actually MS?   That I found myself depressed to the point where my friends were calling it clinical depression, was that actually the MS rearing its head?  The urine incontinence that I would sometimes suffer when being made to run for my job, MS?  Who knows.

The above symptoms (fatigue, depression, and urine incontinence) are all very common symptoms in MS.  The question is, were they symptoms in my case or just part of who I was at the time?  I’ll never know but always wonder.  The fatigue can be explained away by the long hours I was working at very physical job as a paramedic.  The depression, well, I was living by myself and often isolated from friends and activities by my unusual work schedule, not to mention the lack of self-confidence in the dating department.  Plus, there was the fact that I considered myself to be a failure at school, especially after being a fairly strong student until my senior year.  As for the urinary incontinence, many women have weak pelvic floor muscles. (TMI, I know.)  As you can see”The Beginning” will never truly be  known.


1 Comment

  1. Sherri said,

    November 23, 2010 at 2:43 am

    i was just recently diagnosed with MS… and i have been trying to figure out the beginning as well. i can think back to the age of 18 and come up with things that may have been MS…or not… my neuro seems to think so… everything correlates with when i got mono… and since that seems to be what my “trigger” was…well…

    i just know that in the past few months, life has become incredibly different for me. i’m learning to embrace it, maybe. i’m trying anyhow. i’m sure as my head gets wrapped around it all…as i get adjusted to it and as i start living again, it will get better… at least that’s what i keep telling myself! ha!

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